First Love.

Rarely do I feel cheesy or overly-romantic and today is one of the few times. Remember how they say "First love never dies."? I guess it's true. We all have our share of childhood sweetheart memories, the days when you can't seem to put yourself to sleep and you can't even eat well, you can't focus on anything coz all you can think of is when you will next see him/her. (cue in: "Di na makatulog...di pa makakain...taghiyawat sa ilong, pati na sa pisngi..sa kakaisip sayo, taghiyawat dumarami...") You cry over simple things like how he ignores you or when you see him with another girl and you can't do anything coz, of course, he does not even know you exist...You have a list of love songs you dedicate to him, you watch all his basketball games or maybe when he plays with his band during school programs, you shriek like crazy and call him to catch his attention but, still, he fails to notice you. Well, these and many other things, suck.

I was in grade school when I first felt this. I never knew that a 9-year old prepubescent girl could actually get hurt and feel extreme pain, the kind that makes you lie on your bed, roll into a ball, and cry yourself to sleep. I was 9 years old then. I made a fool of myself...and let me add that I was the happiest fool! He was who we considered as "crush ng bayan", I was the negritang, payatot na malaki ang mata. (Yeah, I was thin then. Believe me!) I wrote him love letters, but only one reached him. And the outcome was not a pretty sight. That was one of my major heartbreaks. And when someone asked me to sign an autograph, I wrote down his full name right beside the questions "Who is your crush?" and "Who is your first love?" I was his biggest fan. Waking up early in the morning was a breeze coz I know I would see him again. I was inspired to study well so as not to be cut off from the star section. (That is a clue. Well, actually almost everyone I know in grade school naman knows who I'm talking about.) This went on for a couple of years and then I just gave up. My pillows were stained with tears, my diaries were full of hatred, anger and depression, my heart was broken into pieces. No, it's not because we became a couple and we broke up. How I wish! Haha! I needed to end the madness. He never knew about any of these. He never had the slightest idea. I guess. I just needed to end it coz the more I held on the more painful everything was.

I denied the feelings but I know that it went on 'til 4th year high school. Oh gosh, it just occured to me...I loved him for 8 long years! He had girlfriends who I envied for so long. I loved him secretly. I lived my fantasies in my dreams. And then, I had to attend college...the start of real life, as they say...Forgetting everything was much easier. He was no longer in the same classroom as I was. I forced him out of my mind and out of my system. I was able to breathe smoothly after so many years...

See, I had my puppy love...Though it was not a 2-way thing. I am sincerely thankful that I had experienced such a thing. It sucked but it sucked beautifully. First love never dies. In my case and in my own opinion, the love for that certain person who you put on a pedestal died...but the experience will remain forever..the kind that you will cherish and hold dearly to your heart. The kind that will still make you shiver with excitement...the kind that will still make you smile when you reminisce about everything...

And now that the "cheesy, overly-romantic mood" is over and I have read this from the top....EEEEWWWWW!!!!

Manila, ZARA is coming...

If you have already passed by EDSA, somewhere in Guadalupe, you might have seen my name posted on a billboard...My dream is slowly coming true...And that is to have my face posted all over the Greater Manila Area. (OK na rin kahit strand lang ng buhok ko. Basta alam kong ako yun.) And now my name has finally made it...

I hesitated at first...But they offered me millions of euros...who can resist that amount of money? They asked me if I can do modelling jobs for them and I answered...(you can quote me on this.) "Is my name not enough for you, guys? I want to maintain a low-profile. I'm not ready yet."

No one knows that it was named after me, none until now. Lucky are those who read this blog. You are one of the few people who are directly connected to me ala 1st degree friends of Friendster. Now, now...I'll just post a picture with my signature on it. You might want to frame it up as it might cost millions soon.


Ciao!


***That was my alter-ego writing a while ago.

July took a picture of the ad while driving by EDSA. It actually feels weird seeing your name while stuck on a traffic jam. How much more if it is your whole body? While wearing nothing but undies? And is focusing more on your cleavage?

Oh, and by the way, Zara is actually a world-renowned Spanish women's brand which will open a store in November at the Powerplant Mall. A bit frustrating to admit it, but no, it was not named after me.

Another year.

Yep. I just turned 23. Shit. Another year has passed and I haven't accomplished anything big I could truly be proud of. Well, save for the fact that I am still working at IHG (the longest I've stayed in a company) but I'm not pretty sure if it counts. Anyway, as they always say...It's not your destination that counts, what's really important is your journey in reaching that destination. Or something to that effect??? Hehe...


Lessons I've learned at the age of 22:

1. Get rid of some of your old things. Yes, I understand that sometimes a lot of old stuff hold sentimental value but then again when you have the tendency to move houses twice in a year, better kiss them goodbye and give them away.

2. Nothing will happen if you just rant about things like how your job sucks, how you want to live abroad, how you're getting fat, how your stretch marks are getting longer and wider than the San Juanico Bridge..etc..etc..Do something about it! Start with a positive outlook in life. And stick to the old trick..."I CAN DO THIS...I CAN DO THIS!" and of course, use moisturizer!

3. Age 22 might be the lowest of the lowest point of the so-called quarter life crisis...But this should never eat you up alive. Breathe it out. It's a stage. It's normal. It's like pimples, they're made to piss you off but there are ways to get rid of them. (Try Panoxyl, by the way...for pimples!)

4. Sometimes living with friends is far much better than living with your own relatives. (In my case, that is.)

5. Money is the root of all evil. I've learned this in Christian Living way back in elementary but I never believed it...well, not until now. Proven and tested.

6. When you have the urge to cut your hair short, do it! When you feel like going on a spur of the moment vacation, go for it! When you're itching to sing "I Will Survive" in a videoke bar in front of a huge audience, do so! Life is too short for second thoughts...

7. Have your toenails pedicured before attending a VTR. You might have focused more on your hair and make-up and it's far too late for you to know that the casting director needs to see and scrutinize your feet. Hehe.

8. As always, ass-kissing bitches are always around. They are made to torment and torture you. Just put on your most indifferent look or better yet smile at them, trust me...this works! Haha!

9. SMILE always SMILE. Give lots of hugs and kisses and compliments...they create a happy and gay mood!

10. Some things are better left unsaid. Enough?


October 8

Everything was planned the day before my birthday...We're going to pig out at Dampa in Pque then go to Tagaytay for coffee but THEN...Darwin texted me..."Zara, may malaki akong kasalanan sayo...Malaki ang chance na hindi ako makasama kasi mago-OT kami tomorrow.Sorry..." We can't go to Pque and of course not to Tagaytay without Dar's trusted Revo. There's just too many of us... Damn you, McCann Erickson!! You ruined my birthday!! Damn you!!!!

Anyway, we went to Gerry's Park Square instead and I just hope everyone enjoyed their dinner. We took lots of pictures, had a lot of fun, laitan, bangayan, tsismisan...Then we went to our house and had some drinks, played charades, more laitan and bangayan, watched Amityville...I missed college life...I'm 23!!!!AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!

Si Cha-Cha sinisilip 'to...pero hindi para sa kanya!

I heard some not-so-good news about a person so dear to me. Some low-life beings wrote pretty nasty things about her on the walls of the comfort rooms in our school. She's still in college. I know she sometimes wastes some of her precious time reading my beloved blog. So this is for you...you know who you are.

Dear precious star,

Yes, you're a star to us, your friends. As you probably noticed at the beginning of this post I regarded the news as NOT-SO-GOOD, not BAD, not HORRIBLE..but NOT-SO-GOOD. Yeah, I know..I'm losing my train of thoughts. Anyway, take it from someone who had been through the same experience...people who can't appreciate you and can't do nothing but call you names, bully you around, look down on you or who are just plain mean to you, they are your angels! Why? Listen. Sorry, read on...

I have always, always been lucky with my set of friends. We were never branded the "POPULAR, MEAN GIRLS". Sure, we were once called the "CHARMED ONES", especially during the first day of school when we met our new blockmates. But people had always enjoyed our company (Keep your mouth shut if you didn't! Kidding!). We never ever made anyone's life miserable..(UNLESS, the situation badly needs it. FEEL OUR WRATH!!!) I never did, coz I knew how it felt.

There was this girl who hated me like she hated the dirt in her fingernails. I can't tell the reason coz it would take forever to do so. Anyway, she was kind to me. I THOUGHT she was. But hell no! She was like a slithering snake who would strike you from behind and poison you until you die. She spread horrible gossips about me. She wrote nasty, below-the-belt things on the walls of the same comfort rooms you can see yours now. Things like "Zara, you're fat, black and ugly." I resisted the urge to correct it and change black to dark. You don't call people black. Dark is the right term to use, hello! Those things started when I was in 2nd year college. And then I learned that my name also invaded the comfort rooms of our main library. At first, they did bother me a lot. Why are they doing this? What have I done to deserve this? So and so. But afterwards, I actually enjoyed reading them. I remember how I felt giddy whenever I entered the restroom. Everyday for the next 3 years I got excited when I felt the urge to go weewee. Why would I be affected by such things? Did she realize that by writing those, she made me a better and of course STRONGER person? Did it occur to her that she also made me 10x popular (not that I care about popularity at all.)? Am I that important for her to exert such effort and waste time and pen ink? What was it that made her fire up and be greatly, undeniably affected by moi? True, she was one of tallest in our batch (if I remember it correctly, she was actually the tallest.), she had this flawless, perfect skin, the body of a model. But come to think of it...what did I have that ignited such insecurities? Something or someone precious, perhaps..*winks* I knew who she was but I did not do anything about it. Well, save for the looks and stares which almost pierced through her porcelain-like face whenever I saw her in the hallways..hihi. Then maybe she realized that I wouldn't stoop down to her level, she just suddenly stopped. If she hated me that much she should have said it to my face. She should have not taken it on those poor clean doors while taking a piss.

My point? Laugh it all up! Who cares if she hates you? Sometimes, a person hates you coz she wants to be like you! Maybe you're so special that she envies you so much and the fact that she can't take your place is killing her slowly. Also, do not forget that these people help a lot in making you a better person. Love your enemies...Yes, it is still true!

Remember: Don't give up loving. Don't give up your goodness. Even if people around you sting.

But if your patience runs out and she treats you the way "Sadako" did, holler and I'll make her life a living hell! HAHA!


Miss you!


Ate Zar