First Love.

Rarely do I feel cheesy or overly-romantic and today is one of the few times. Remember how they say "First love never dies."? I guess it's true. We all have our share of childhood sweetheart memories, the days when you can't seem to put yourself to sleep and you can't even eat well, you can't focus on anything coz all you can think of is when you will next see him/her. (cue in: "Di na makatulog...di pa makakain...taghiyawat sa ilong, pati na sa pisngi..sa kakaisip sayo, taghiyawat dumarami...") You cry over simple things like how he ignores you or when you see him with another girl and you can't do anything coz, of course, he does not even know you exist...You have a list of love songs you dedicate to him, you watch all his basketball games or maybe when he plays with his band during school programs, you shriek like crazy and call him to catch his attention but, still, he fails to notice you. Well, these and many other things, suck.

I was in grade school when I first felt this. I never knew that a 9-year old prepubescent girl could actually get hurt and feel extreme pain, the kind that makes you lie on your bed, roll into a ball, and cry yourself to sleep. I was 9 years old then. I made a fool of myself...and let me add that I was the happiest fool! He was who we considered as "crush ng bayan", I was the negritang, payatot na malaki ang mata. (Yeah, I was thin then. Believe me!) I wrote him love letters, but only one reached him. And the outcome was not a pretty sight. That was one of my major heartbreaks. And when someone asked me to sign an autograph, I wrote down his full name right beside the questions "Who is your crush?" and "Who is your first love?" I was his biggest fan. Waking up early in the morning was a breeze coz I know I would see him again. I was inspired to study well so as not to be cut off from the star section. (That is a clue. Well, actually almost everyone I know in grade school naman knows who I'm talking about.) This went on for a couple of years and then I just gave up. My pillows were stained with tears, my diaries were full of hatred, anger and depression, my heart was broken into pieces. No, it's not because we became a couple and we broke up. How I wish! Haha! I needed to end the madness. He never knew about any of these. He never had the slightest idea. I guess. I just needed to end it coz the more I held on the more painful everything was.

I denied the feelings but I know that it went on 'til 4th year high school. Oh gosh, it just occured to me...I loved him for 8 long years! He had girlfriends who I envied for so long. I loved him secretly. I lived my fantasies in my dreams. And then, I had to attend college...the start of real life, as they say...Forgetting everything was much easier. He was no longer in the same classroom as I was. I forced him out of my mind and out of my system. I was able to breathe smoothly after so many years...

See, I had my puppy love...Though it was not a 2-way thing. I am sincerely thankful that I had experienced such a thing. It sucked but it sucked beautifully. First love never dies. In my case and in my own opinion, the love for that certain person who you put on a pedestal died...but the experience will remain forever..the kind that you will cherish and hold dearly to your heart. The kind that will still make you shiver with excitement...the kind that will still make you smile when you reminisce about everything...

And now that the "cheesy, overly-romantic mood" is over and I have read this from the top....EEEEWWWWW!!!!